i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
