we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
