I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
