Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
