hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
