When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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