dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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