You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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