Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
