Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
