She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
