fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
