so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
