office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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