I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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