I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize