After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
