even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
