I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
