Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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