I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there's paper in my vomit.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
