I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Im part way to drunk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize