I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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