fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
