Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
