I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
