I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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