watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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