Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
