I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
