True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
