I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
