I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
