i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
