my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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