I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
