then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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