he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
