The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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