I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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