Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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