I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
