So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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