why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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