Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's shark week go big or go home
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
