You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
