low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
