WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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