maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
