i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
