i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
