Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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