Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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