There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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