I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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