hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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