we made out on top of his cat.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
