dude i'm inner monologue high
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's blow job season.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
