I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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