It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
