you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
not ubering you a puppy
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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