he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
