Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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