dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
