Your face is a jimmy john
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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