God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
