So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize