i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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