I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
