your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
