I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
