That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
