I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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