So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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