The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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