Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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