She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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