just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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