This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
