i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
