My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize