Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
