i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
