Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
