Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
