I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
