try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
