I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
