He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you made out with another girl for some wings
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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