p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
