I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
