he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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