careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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