Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
