Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
