i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
