WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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