i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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