he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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