Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
