it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
