She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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