This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
