He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
