saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
